by Cynthia Bischoff | Aug 27, 2011 | Heartliving
What is forgiveness? Why does one forgive? For those of us who have been pained by another person, particularly a person of a past relationship, to forgive may feel impossible. It may feel that the act of forgiveness would be a way of saying that the painful event or relationship did not occur. It is important to understand that forgiving does not erase the reality of the incidents that occurred.
In contrast, the act of forgiving simply opens up a space in the forgiver from which to live more fully.
The beauty of forgiving or being forgiven is that we are the ones who heal as we forgive. In the words of Oscar Wilde, “. . . it is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.”
When we do not forgive a person, we are financing the ill feelings or the lack of forgiveness with our energy. Lack of forgiveness then can lead to illness in the person who is unable to forgive. It becomes like a sword with a curved blade. Or in some cases, you may choose not to forgive because there is a feeling of power and control. This form of power is NOT true power. There is no power in holding a victim stance.
How do you forgive?
At some point you have to retell the story in a more empowered way and be willing to let it go. Instead of holding yourself to be a victim, you must be able to witness a “bigger picture” than what you believe occurred. What did you learn from this experience? How did this event contribute to your overall growth and development?
Forgiving is about letting go of the past and deciding that you are now the hero and author of your life story. Forgiving is about comfort, kindness, and gentleness to your own soul. Above all, it about liberating yourself!
by Cynthia Bischoff | Aug 24, 2011 | Heartliving
We all have a shadow self. This shadow has been referred to by many names, for example, “the dark self,” “the disowned self,” “the repressed self,” to name a few.
So what is meant by one’s “shadow”? Carl Jung, a famous psychiatrist, spoke of the shadow as “. . .the other in us, the other that embarrasses or shames us, . . .the negative side of the personality, those unpleasant qualities we like to hide. . . .”
Often we disown or “cut off” our shadow self. We make statements like “I’m not angry,” “I don’t feel sad,” and so on as a way of denying a part of ourselves. We may have been conditioned not to allow ourselves to feel this shadow piece, perhaps in order to stay in control. Our shadow might also be a very positive side of ourselves that we have kept dark. In other words, our shadow could be a strength of ours that we have kept dark or hidden because of being fearful of expressing it.
Oftentimes at various junctures on our journey we meet our shadow more fully. We may get in touch with those repressed parts of ourselves that we can no longer deny. We encounter what author Gary Zukav might term “holy moments” in which we are challenged to become conscious of something inside of us as a way of having an opportunity to become more aware of who we really are.
It’s common to meet our shadow self when our deeper needs and values tend to change direction. Greeting the shadow self may even call for breaking old habits and cultivating unrecognized talents.
If we avoid confronting our shadow self, we will remain unaware of what life has to teach us. Avoidance may make us feel safer, yet the safety can create a kind of living death.
Everything with depth casts a shadow. The shadow is the quality that makes us human. As much as we might wish to reject it in order to try to be “perfect,” it is the shadow that gives us our humanity. Embracing the shadow as we move through our lives is what creates our healing or wholeness.
by Cynthia Bischoff | Aug 20, 2011 | Heartliving
Do you sometimes catch yourself verbalizing thoughts that are self-defeating? Do you hope desperately for something yet limit what you think you deserve, thereby dividing yourself against yourself?
Or do you find yourself able to understand that your thoughts do, in fact, create your reality, yet still feel unable to move your awareness into any conscious action to change?
It is my view that awareness is the first step toward conscious living.
One must understand the dynamics of thought and how our thoughts create our reality. So how do you move through awareness into action? A necessary second step is willingness—that is, the willingness to hold consciousness in the moment toward what you wish to have or be.
For example, I may desire a more loving relationship with my spouse. My desire may not be congruent with my thoughts. Throughout the day, I may be lamenting that I do not have a loving relationship and focusing on the lack and the desire.
So what can you do to align your thoughts with the reality that you wish to create?
♥ Begin to act as though you already are what and where you would like to be. Concentrate less on the behavior and more on your thoughts.
♥ Stop yourself from verbalizing or thinking thoughts that are self-defeating. Bring your awareness back to the present and remind yourself that you are your thoughts.
♥ Use the power of visualization to support your conscious thoughts.
♥ See yourself manifesting what you desire. If you wish to be out of debt, visualize yourself out of debt. Add an affirmation that you repeat consciously each day: “I am free of debt” OR “I draw wealth to myself.” Choose words that resonate for you and that match your positive visualization.
♥ Marvel at all the wealth you actually have—water, air, food, sun, clothes, shelter, friends, love, laughter. If you find yourself lamenting over what you do not have, remind yourself of two things you do have. A wonderful thing happens when you delight in how really wealthy you are—more and more of what you want and need flows to you.
♥ Above all, be willing to do whatever it takes to make your visualization happen.
You may find it helpful to use the Heartliving mantra: “Ask the universe for what you need. Visualize yourself receiving it. Know that you will receive it. For you are worthy.”
by Cynthia Bischoff | Aug 13, 2011 | Heartliving
Often early on in new relationships the other person will treat you well. The person may compliment you, shower you with gifts, or be extremely considerate. The key to a person’s behavior, however, is to pay attention to how that person treats themselves and the world around them. Observe the person’s behaviors or attitudes because most often people will eventually treat you as they treat themselves.
Is the person scattered or focused? —responsible or reckless? —inflexible or tolerant? —generous or selfish? —self-respectful or disdaining? —self-confident or arrogant? Or loving and kind to himself/herself?
The idea is that you can only truly love another person as much as you are able to love yourself. Be sure that the person loves and respects themselves and the world around them before entrusting that person with your heart. And you, too, must love yourself fully before you can love another.
On our soulful journeys, we are given many opportunities for partnership. It is through connection and vulnerability that we are able to experience real growth.
by Cynthia Bischoff | Aug 6, 2011 | Heartliving
Kathleen Tennant
We have all had those moments in our lives in which we relied on our “strength” to get us through.
I can recall numerous times when I needed to pull myself up and continue despite the pain I was experiencing, especially emotionally. I didn’t view myself as being strong. I simply did exactly what I needed to do to keep going, to be fully alive, and to honor my commitments to myself and others. For someone else, strength may involve enduring a painful relationship or even getting out of one.
Even those who have experienced horrific conditions, such as the Holocaust, report having survived in part because they felt no one could take their spirit. It is as though the person locks into a life force reserve that guides them through the treacherous time. They are able to hold onto something beyond the current fear to a future vision of peace and safety.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” –Ambrose Redmoon
Something beyond the fear guides us, allowing us to be both present yet a witness in the moment, attached to our safe outcome.
When you encounter difficult circumstances, how might you remain strong?
♥ In moments when you know to your core that you belong or don’t belong, remain true to yourself;
♥ Practice forgiveness, let go of the past, and focus on shared future;
♥ Let go of behaviors that do not serve you;
♥ Be still and remain patient;
♥ Trust and act on what you know;
♥ Know that change may be a catalyst for growth.
What gives you strength?
What is forgiveness? Why does one forgive? For those of us who have been pained by another person, particularly a person of a past relationship, to forgive may feel impossible. It may feel that the act of forgiveness would be a way of saying that the painful event or relationship did not occur. It is important to understand that forgiving does not erase the reality of the incidents that occurred.
