by Cynthia Bischoff | Feb 2, 2013 | Heartliving
Each of us in our lifetimes creates an ADAPTIVE SELF. Carl Jung, famous Swiss psychiatrist, referred to this self as your “persona.” This persona, or adaptive self, is a mask that you create and wear to adapt to your environment and to feel safe.
It is this adaptive self that might cause you to abandon who you really are at the core (for example, maybe dismiss what you really want or need). Over time, you can begin to feel numb and empty, depressed or just lost—-acting a certain way but longing all the time for something else.
Maybe you act happy and wear a smile when deep down you are sad or depressed about life. Or you wear the mask of anger because you’re afraid to feel your sadness.
We’ve all worn masks. For example, you’ve made contracts with yourself through your beliefs as to what is available to you, how you should act, what you need to do, be, and have—-you’ve done all of this in order to survive. We’ve all done it.
In this blog, I’ll share a story about a client whom I’ll call Max.
I met Max when he was in his mid 30’s. He was an interesting man, pretty well adjusted as far as his work life and personal life, but in sharing his life story, he commented on how hard it was for him to share his emotions with anyone.
In looking back at his childhood with him—-trying to figure out his adaptive self, he recalled a very important event—-this was his grandmother’s funeral when he was 8 years old. He was very close to his grandmother, and at the funeral, he began to cry. He remembers his father saying to him sternly, “We do not cry in this family.” (Can you imagine saying this to an 8-year-old?)
Even though as an adult Max understands that what his father told him was detrimental to his psychological and emotional growth, as a child he really trusted his father’s “rules.”
It is his father’s rules that created Max’s adaptive self or mask that he’s been wearing since then. As he put it, even though he knows fully well as an adult that crying is not a sign of weakness, he has to overcome his guilty feelings when he lets himself feel sad in front of someone.
So, I reminded Max that it is important to look back at old contracts he has made with himself, to dig them up, void them if necessary, and/or rewrite them. Max did this exercise and created a mantra for himself–“I feel and honor my feelings fully.”
What old contracts do you have that need to be voided or rewritten? Exploring and removing your adaptive mask can help you “course correct” and move toward more authentic living on your journey.
by Cynthia Bischoff | Jan 26, 2013 | Heartliving
Feeling connected is important to you from the beginning to the end of your life (whether you think this is true or not).
Children especially want to know that they belong in their world and that they will be okay, whether they can express this or not.
In fact, do you know what research shows is a child’s greatest fear? A child’s greatest fear is abandonment.
This plays out in adult life as fear not only of abandonment, but also of rejection, of loss, of betrayal, and so on. Interestingly, some people who are in a situation they find difficult will even leave others first so that they will not be “left.”
So, back to the child and how this dynamic plays out–as the vulnerable child grows, the child begins to move about, and a conflict between a need for both separation and connection generally occurs at some point. While there is a need for connection, what is not as easily understood is that each of us also at some point has a need for separation-—to be able to stand independently on our own.
So from childhood on, while we may venture to be independent, we may also wish to remain connected. These opposing needs for both connection and separation play out continually throughout our lives and affect our sense of self (who we think we are, who we become).
How this may play out in a relationship is that partners may have a need to be close to each other, yet at the same time an equal need to have space and distance.
With open communication and trust, a healthy balance can usually be achieved.
by Cynthia Bischoff | Jan 19, 2013 | Heartliving
I’ve had many roles in this life, but one that I enjoyed very much was the teaching of literature which I did for over 10 years. I always appreciated how literature can reflect well crafted slices of life. For example, in this quote from Shakespeare in All’s Well that Ends Well, the line reads:
“The web of our own life is of mingled yarn. . . .”
I’ve always loved these words because they give me a visual image that is comforting about our lives. I do see my life as a tapestry—-and this tapestry at times can seem full of loose threads and knotted yarn. I sometimes reflect on how one painful or joyful thing is contributing to the bigger picture.
All of us experience challenges that may at times seem overwhelming, and I think we all wonder at times, how can I possibly overcome the circumstances I am finding myself in?
But we do overcome. And we find along the way that the greatest challenges almost always lead to the greatest growth. Or I like to say, the stumbling blocks on our path can become the stepping stones.
So if we go back to this tapestry we are weaving that we call our lives, we can hope that at the end of our lives, when we turn our life’s work of art over, we will witness a picture that is perfectly what it needed to be.
The knotted yarn, the loose threads–all of it had a purpose,
and in fact, in the end, without the presence of these seeming imperfections, the picture would not be as clear or as perfect as it ends up being.
So, you see from this point of view, we also understand that everything in our lives is happening with some sort of purpose—-all of it—-so that we may grow and learn, and create our world’s meaning.
Now, I am in no way suggesting that life is predestined, but rather that through the choices you make throughout your life, you are discovering not only your world, but also yourself.
Many blessings on this journey of self-discovery!
by Cynthia Bischoff | Jan 5, 2013 | Heartliving
It’s a new year! How do you hold the most positive thoughts for what you wish to create for this next year? Do you believe in miracles?
Some might say it is unrealistic to expect a miracle, yet the word “miracle” has actually come a long way from its original meaning. It is derived from the Latin “miraculum” which means “to cause wonder and astonishment,” and “mirus,” which means “wonderful to see.” A miracle, therefore, is something that is extraordinary, inexplicable, and unexplainable by normal standards.
According to Webster, the standard definition for a miracle is something that goes against the normal laws of nature and is usually ascribed to some super power. In fact, virtually all religions express a belief in miracles.
In our current society, we are taught to believe only in those things we can logically understand. We are generally not taught that Universal Law reveals that we have limitless potential or that Universal Power can be used to work miracles in our lives.
What we need to know is that miracles are not logical BUT that we are connected to an unlimited source of energy and power as human beings. Most of what I have accomplished in my lifetime that seemed “unreal” by practical standards or impossible to others was very possible to me.
To open yourself to a miracle, pay attention to these principles:
- Stillness: Empty your mind through practicing stillness and moments of quiet receptiveness.
- Alignment: Align yourself with your heart and practice compassion in your world. Know that everything is energy (you included) and everything is available to you.
- Request: Make a request that is clear and decisive.
- Visualize and Feel: Elevate yourself to a higher state. Envision yourself happy, healthy, and whole, receiving what you have requested. See and feel this. Practice every day going into your “inner workshop” to see and feel yourself “having” what you have requested.
- Gratitude: Practice an attitude of gratitude. Give thanks for what you know you will receive.
Okay, you’re ready. Now set up the conditions and believe your miracle into being. Here’s to a great year!
by Cynthia Bischoff | Dec 29, 2012 | Heartliving
Our year 2012 was a wonderful year of learning. And yippee. . . we made it to this exciting new year of 2013!
Each year I send out a divination exercise that I do for myself. So many people ask me to send it each year, I have created this blog!
Here is the divination exercise below. I wish you the VERY BEST in 2013 and look forward to a powerful year together!
Dear Hearts:
I am thinking of all of you at the end of 2012 and reflecting on the past year. I have sincere gratitude for all the spiritual work you’ve done and continue to do. Thank you so much for allowing me to help you in any way that I have.
At the beginning of the New Year, I often spend an hour or so doing an exercise alone that allows me to reflect with hope as well as provide insight for the coming year. I want to share with you what I do and a method I have used in case this would interest you. I have done this for many years. If you read this after the start of the year, no problem, since this can be done any time of year. It just happens to be a new year’s ritual for me.
You can choose a divination tool (deck of divination or spiritual cards, etc.) or more than one tool.
Divination Session
(1) First, I light a candle and listen to soft music, spending about 10 minutes quietly reflecting on the previous year. I ask that my actions from that year be blessed and purified to seed new actions in the coming year.
(2) Next, I focus on the coming year. Using a chart or written sheet with questions and spaces for answers (people have created neat ways to record), I ask the following questions and draw at least one card per question to see what the “energy” of that question might bring. I then record my answers. I am able throughout the new year to reflect on the questions and cards drawn that I drew in this exercise. Here are the questions I ask and maybe some of these may inspire you:
- What overall energy best describes the teachings for me in 2012?
- What overall energy will best help me in the New Year 2013?
- If (when) faced with challenges for growth in 2013, what is the best energy for me to remember?
- To balance my daily living for 2013, what do I need to remember (regarding doing/being)?
- In order to manifest my heart’s desires for 2013, what energy would be helpful?
- For each month (I list them out), what will give me insight into the energy of that month?
- What energy best reflects the “mental” picture for 2013?
- What energy best reflects the “emotional” picture for 2013?
- What energy best reflects the “physical” picture for 2013?
- What energy best reflects the “spiritual” picture for 2013?
(3) I post this sheet with the completed questions and comments on a bulletin board or back of a door simply to glance at it periodically throughout the year for reflection. (By the way, if you are in a relationship, you can also choose individual as well as joint cards for certain questions.)
Many blessings to you in 2013! –With gratitude, Cynthia
