“How Do I Love Thee?”

by Cynthia Bischoff | Feb 8, 2014 | Heartliving

Often, early on in new relationships the other person will treat you well. The person may compliment you, shower you with gifts, or be extremely considerate. The key to a person’s behavior, however, is how that person treats themselves and the world around them. Pay attention to the person’s behaviors or attitudes because most often people will eventually treat you as they treat themselves. Observe and ask yourself:

Is the person scattered or focused? —responsible or reckless? —inflexible or tolerant? —generous or selfish?  —self-respectful or disdaining? —self-confident or arrogant?  Or loving and kind to himself/herself?

The idea is that you can only truly love another person as much as you are able to love yourself. Be sure that the person loves and respects themselves and the world around them before entrusting that person with your heart. And you, too, must love yourself fully before you can love another.

On our soulful journeys, we are given many opportunities for partnership. It is through connection and vulnerability that we are able to experience real growth.

The Power of “Stopping”!

by Cynthia Bischoff | Feb 1, 2014 | Heartliving

Do you have thoughts at this time that your life is just “too much”? Or that you simply don’t have the energy to do everything you need or have to do?

Often coaching clients will come to me who are stressed out, anxious, and “not seeing a way out” as they often put it. I’ve come to call the syndrome “the mountain of too much”!

As simple as it may sound, I often introduce clients to the concept and reality of “stopping.”  As I point out to them, although it seems as though life has moved into “fast forward” rather suddenly; in fact, the person has most likely been living a life of “too much” for a long time.  But like all mountains that we create, it isn’t until we reach our maximum point that we can no longer keep up the pace.  It’s like putting one more item into a too-full drawer!

We have to remember that we are an integration of body, mind, and spirit.  If we are exhausting our body, our mind, or our spirit–any one of these will affect the totality of who we are.  Have you ever felt like a hamster on the wheel who has forgotten to get off?

So it’s helpful to figure out how long it’s been too much.  It’s important to come up with a greater awareness of what you’ve been creating and where you’ve been investing your spirit.  Is there space in your life for personal growth or nourishment?  Often, when we realize how depleted we feel and not nurtured, we realize we have to look at the mountain we’ve created.

So, every day you can practice “stopping”—which is the act of doing nothing for a specific period of time (stopping)—I generally advise clients to do this for five minutes when they first attempt it.

Stopping for five minutes can be painful at first.  So often with our multi-tasking, the act of stopping feels like wasting time.  So be careful not to associate the “stopping” space with “wasting time,” “not getting something done,” and so on. Instead, by holding consciousness in the space in which you are still, you can begin a process of internal uncluttering.   Stopping can be powerful because it requires that you be alone with yourself.  It allows you to see yourself much more clearly and to remember over time who you really are.  In other words, slowing down allows you to see the mountain you are climbing.

To practice “stopping,” simply set aside five minutes a day to do absolutely nothing but pause and reflect, to breathe.  Find a refuge—the bathroom if you have kids!  Yes, I know they’ll knock, so wait until they go to bed.  But do find the time and space. During that period of stopping, remain silent, do nothing—absolutely nothing but pause and reflect—and see what happens.  Continue this every day, and you will become more and more able to do it.  Over time, you will remember important things about yourself.

Stopping will allow you to restore balance and energy to your weary spirit. It may cause you to feel sad, relieved, or even angry.  Releasing the feelings within you is a beginning toward mindful living.

Sometimes, when we refuse to allow ourselves stopping points, our bodies make them happen for us.  We develop migraines, colds, the flu—ways of making our bodies stop.

Instead, commit to conscious moments in which you stop and do nothing.  It is then that you will really be doing something!

Learning Life Lessons Together

by Cynthia Bischoff | Jan 18, 2014 | Heartliving

You were born a child of pure potential and possibility. 

So, what does that mean?  . . . You can influence the outcome of this play you’re starring in called “Life”!  You see, each of came in to this world to participate in each other’s dramas, and in doing so, to advance the growth of each other’s souls.  We participate by learning life lessons together.

So if you came into this world to learn the value of forgiveness, for example,  then surely you’ll have to have someone to forgive.  And, if you came in to learn how not to give away your power, then surely someone will have to try to take it.  And if you came in to learn how to be more independent, then you may find yourself in a situation where you are all alone, so that you can learn how to depend upon yourself.

So you see, all our life challenges are here for each of us to overcome, to learn, and to grow.   And here’s the good news:  your script involves a lifetime of days.

You know, sometimes I have had clients tell me that they feel like they’ve screwed up their lives and have no way to “course correct.”   So I remind them that every day is but a sacred dot on the map of their lives. Each new scene affords them a new opportunity.  Every day that you wake up and get back on life’s stage, you have a new chance to respond differently this time, to create a new outcome.  –Because NOW it can be different.

It’s also very important to remember that all cast members (family, friends, even seeming enemies) are  souls just like you seeking to learn and heal, and one of the most important ways you can learn and heal is by delving deeper into your own heart’s consciousness.   You can begin to use your heart as your compass and to embrace the value and power of love, kindness, compassion.

NOTE:  I created a YouTube video on this very topic to give you hope; it is at my YouTube Channel:  HeartlivingVideo.  The title?  “Up Until Now”  The link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFdo1zvqx_M

Believe in Something Good!

by Cynthia Bischoff | Jan 11, 2014 | Heartliving

The way you describe your life and portray yourself is directly related to how you live your life on a day-to-day basis.

Every moment of the day you are deciding how to live your life.  Maybe you’re not deciding this consciously, but you’re still deciding it in the way that you respond to your life circumstances.  Can you think of a new possibility for yourself?  Or something you can do right now in this present moment to move your life forward in a positive way?  Maybe it’s to follow through on something you said you wanted to do—like eat better, go to the gym, but it can also be to pray, to call a friend you’ve been meaning to call, to take a deep breath, or to take a walk to clear your mind.

Participating fully in the present moment is going to help you create a meaningful life.  So if you’re holding on to a painful past, and if you find it difficult to let it go, what’s important is to know that your past does not define you unless you allow it to.  So if your past has been difficult and it feels really hard to get over something, the question becomes:  How do you get beyond your past?  And the answer sounds easy, but it can be tough, YET it always works:  You can get beyond your past by challenging the conclusions you’ve drawn about it.

So I’d like you to ask yourself, especially if you’re stuck in a difficult situation, to challenge your conclusions.  You see, what keeps you stuck the most might be just wanting to know why something happened the way it did.  And unfortunately, you may never know why a certain thing happened.  Instead, remember that you did learn something valuable, and no matter how difficult, you learned and are now wiser.

You know, we are all interpreting out of our own judgments and our own filter.  Things are not always as they appear to be.  So it’s helpful to lift yourself above your current set of circumstances, look down on your situation, and decide to move on.

…And what about forgiveness?  You see, not forgiving a person can cause you tremendous emotional discomfort and heartache.  You might find yourself upset with someone–maybe you feel betrayed–and you rehash repeatedly what happened–even if it happened last year, trying to make sense of something that makes no sense.  By continuing to expend your energy in this way, you lose your life force and this impacts your spirit.  Often you are unable to enjoy or participate in the present moment that you have that is actually okay now.

So choose to forgive others if you want to move forward.  Plain and simple, you wish them well.  And you decide you learned a lot from the experience.  After all, we came in to learn.  And then you move on with love and compassion as your traveling partners. Oh, and, of course, forgive yourself!

So don’t adopt or live out a life role that is contrary to what you want your life to be.  Remember that you are the author of your own story.  You didn’t come in to try out for a part in someone else’s drama as your main role, and you can revise your story at any time.

Above all, remember:  You are what you believe you are.  So believe in something good!