“Honey, I married my Father (or Mother)!”

by Cynthia Bischoff on June 29, 2011

Each of us carries from childhood a subconscious image in our minds that guides our selection of a partner.  When we meet a person who fits this image, we experience a powerful romantic attraction.  This process of choosing a partner can be problematic, however, because it is often based on a subconscious composite picture of our total experience (positive and negative) with our primary attachments–our mother and our father!  As children, the imprint of our parents helps us to distinguish them from other adults so that we remain connected to them.  These images remain with us into adulthood and often guide us to a partner similar to our parents with whom we re-connect to our past issues.

Our hidden desire is to get certain needs met by the partner that were not satisfied by our parents.  However the partner, who has aspects of our parents, is likely to become a catalyst for some unresolved childhood issues rather than the nurturing source we had hoped (s)he would be.  After an initial honeymoon period, we are likely to be confronted with the reality of our old issues! Still, the relationship represents a chance for both partners to heal their childhood issues by working them through to resolution with each other.

It is most important to create a conscious relationship with yourself and your partner and begin a time of growth and healing.  We are called in the relationship to bring our adult awareness and learning to problems of love that we could not solve as children.

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