Heart Connections

by Cynthia Bischoff on May 22, 2016

Many books are written about relationships–how to attract the right partner, how to keep your partner, how to communicate with your partner, why your partner is not that into you, and so on! The truth is that relationships can be complex and do require some attention if two people are to grow together into more intimate union and love.

Most often, instead of understanding relationship dynamics, people think that if they can just change this or that about their partners, their relationships would finally work. Does this sound familiar? We must know that no one is perfect nor to be blamed and following some common-sense guidelines can help you to improve your relationship. They are based on effective principles of communication and should be practiced by both partners:

  • For starters, don’t expect your partner to satisfy all of your relationship needs. Take good care of yourself. Maintain healthy friendships outside of your primary relationship, and you will be less apt to feel that you need your partner to “complete” you.
  • Be sure to maintain a friendship as well as a love relationship with your partner. Most couples who stay together do so because of a sense of friendship and respect that exists long after the romantic sparks might not be as bright. Partners who are friends generally like and accept each other as they genuinely are.
  • It’s important to practice active listening. Sometimes all your partner wants you to do is just listen. So listen carefully; then paraphrase back to your partner what you believe you heard him or her say. It greatly helps to keep all communication clear.
  • Know that talking over each other or not acknowledging what we’ve heard causes monologues rather than dialogues. And when you do listen and especially when you pick up what matters to your partner, you can ask about it at another time, making your partner know you did listen and that you care.
  • Know what you do want and communicate that clearly. We sometimes get stuck in repeating what we don’t want or like and don’t communicate clearly what we do want. Instead of “it bothers me when you say that” try “I appreciate that you shared that with me in that way.”
  • Avoid arguments as a way of getting attention or engaging in drama. Find a more productive way to be in relationship and avoid taking your frustrations out on your partner. If your partner is doing that with you, have a conversation about how you feel–in a constructive way.
  • If you must disagree, do what is termed “fight fairly.” The language we use during a conflict has a critical effect on our relationships. Calling each other names and blaming each other will dissolve trust and respect faster than anything else. And if this has already happened, you can commit to starting over now. Remember “up until now”!
  • Commit to change. Know that a healthy relationship is one that continues to evolve. Establish regular conversations with your partner to be sure important issues are being addressed and understood.
  • Most of all, soften your heart. Sometimes, you have to rise above the current situation and look at the overall picture of your relationship. How long have you been together? What have you been through? In what ways have you shared your lives and supported one another? What might you do differently now? Of all the tips, perhaps this is most important of all!

You can also set aside one “date” each week with your partner in which you don’t talk about the children (if there are kids), you don’t talk about work or about money, the house, etc., but you talk about each other. I have suggested this to clients who have done this. I remember a client telling me that she and her husband looked at each other and had nothing to say at first on that “first date.” The good news is that they stayed committed, though, to that date each week. By the second week, they started talking about what mattered to them, sharing some of their hopes and dreams as well as fears. –Or as she put it, “getting down to some deep inner stuff.” Over time, it greatly improved their connection.

All in all, we came into this world to learn to love and to know that we are love. Nothing is perhaps more powerful than heart connections.

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Healing through Meditation

by Cynthia Bischoff on May 15, 2016

Many people express an interest in meditation but feel they don’t have time to meditate. Some say that finding 20 minutes to do “nothing” is not possible in their daily life. Meditating is far from “doing nothing”; when you center your mind and release anxiety, you bring restoration and balance to your whole system. In fact, research shows that meditation:

1. Enhances the immune system.

2. Lowers and/or stabilizes blood pressure.

3. Slows the aging process.

4. Improves learning ability and memory.

5. Develops your willpower.

6. Decreases restless thinking.

7. Brings your body, mind, and spirit into harmony.

You do have to find time to meditate. You should choose a time of day when you are least distracted and are able to be calm. You might want to start with a 5-minute meditation and try different lengths of time as you explore the process.

Also, decide on a comfortable posture. While most teachers suggest sitting positions, I have always found my best meditations occur when I lie down, and surprisingly, I do not fall asleep. Try different postures to find what works best for you.

If you are seated, you might try staring at an icon (religious figure, candle, etc.), and in doing so, allowing yourself to “empty” your mind. If you are lying down, you can stare at the ceiling.

Be patient with yourself, so if many thoughts come racing through your head, simply allow them to clear. You may wish to focus on one word (such as “love”) to center yourself.

You can also practice the simple technique that I call “stopping.” Simply sit for five minutes each day and allow your body to rest. Take a few deep breaths and be still. In that moment, be with whatever comes up, and let your mind slow down until your body, mind, and spirit feel in greater harmony.

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Mother Teresa

May 8, 2016

Quotes of Mother Teresa “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” “Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” “Joy is prayer; joy is strength: […]

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Change Your Mind, Change Your Life!

May 1, 2016

Affirmations are statements that can support you in manifesting powerful change. Write or say these statements at any time (some people do so daily) and use them to support a shift in your consciousness or feeling state. It is important that the affirmations you select resonate with you, that is, that they feel natural and […]

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